the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
