She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We're too hungover to prance.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
