omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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