new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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