we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
