Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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