I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
