My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
