is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
