Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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