I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
