Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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