you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
