sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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