So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
