well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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