she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
