I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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