my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
