then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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