it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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