Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
