they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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