she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
