I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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