my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
