question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
