You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
