How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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