dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
