Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
