dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
