Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
