Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
