weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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