Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Two words: nipple clamps
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