I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
