i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
operation have a gay friend backfired
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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