I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
