Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I need water and some morals
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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