1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
