big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
