I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
