Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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