Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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