SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
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