East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
