I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
this just has baby written all over it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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