that's an acceptable place to lick
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
