Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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