some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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